Communication

Communication… The origin of the word means sharing. Sharing ideas, feelings, intentions, attitudes, expectations, perceptions… Speech, writing, behaviour; ways of communicating… An analyst whom I value says in his book: during a communication between two people there are actually 6 persons involved: The real self of the individual and of the other person, the other as seen by each of them and the self as seen by each of them…

It really does add up to 6 people. The skill lies in continuously being aware of who is communicating with whom… Ideal communication is a communication that contains everything that the person wants to say, but does not contain anything that he does not want to say. Just as each process has a material and a method, the material and method of life is communication. To such an extent that it really is so! Suspect talk, sentences like “he should take the hint”… Total absence of talk. Words that reflect two opposite feelings, that contain both meanings… Ambivalent talk that contains for example both hate and love at the same time… Censored talk… On top of it all, getting angry because the other person does not understand… Resentments. If you want to destroy, kill off a relationship, my advice would be that you follow this path and improve yourself! Healthy communication always and primarily contains the message: “You are important in my eyes”. Properly phrased sentences carry the message: “I am making an effort for you”. As I said, communication is a method of life… If your method is not reliable you will not know what you attained. You will not only have confused the other person but your own ability to interpret will deteriorate. What will the consequence of this be? You will pass through life without having understood or having been understood. And if you coincidentally are in an important position, for instance the father or the mother of a child… You depart leaving behind deep hurt. Where you there for that child? Where you not? You will never know. The child is wretched… He will never know if the mother or father valued him, whether or not he was loved, and he exhaust himself by constantly thinking about this. He will be unable to find a role-model for himself. He will call anyone he sees “father” or “mother”. And naturally his life will be filled with disappointment. A life where the path or method is unknown, without understanding who is right and who is wrong, a life without a compass… Of course this is a sorry state… However, this business of “method” is something that is learned. Everybody learns it of their ancestors. If there is a fault in the method you will have to go over past generations. And finally, at some point it has to be placed on its feet. Perhaps this should be the basis of education and teaching. My last words could be these: In an environment where healthy communication is absent, conscience, morals, feelings, thoughts, in fact everything will be in dense dust and smoke. In a communication environment where one cannot be sure if it’s safe, whether or not one is understood by the others, whether or not one is loved or respected, preserving one’s psychological health is a miracle…

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