Cases of domestic discord and relationship problems are what every psychiatrist encounters daily… Unfortunately it reaches a point where the woman is unfaithful to the man and the man unfaithful to the woman. Deeply unhappy couples visit one doctor after another. And some doctor’s declare themselves experts in relationships. They do not deal with any other cases but earn their living just in this field… And they have no difficulties finding customers.
I will talk about one of these couples. Their relationship started very well. During the flirting period before their marriage they were bursting with happiness. It seemed as if they had signed an unspoken agreement. They were going to raise conscientious, honest and upright children. The man was going to work hard to provide for the family, and the woman was going to organize the home. The family should be a place full of love and peace of mind, and that is how their home was going to be. This beautiful couple got married. And what was expected came to pass. From the first day onwards arguments started. Both of them had come with what they had learned from their families, their ancestors. The worst was that the man was programmed to dominate. The woman did not fall short either. Many months of big or small arguments brought them to the threshold of divorce. Arguments would escalate to the point where plates were thrown…
Luckily one of the family elders, the father of the woman was a virtuous man and it did not come to a divorce. The father’s advice was for his daughter… He advised that since the woman loved her husband she should submit to him.
In the end the couple, both of whom had a high educational level, decided to consult a doctor. The dispute about who would chose the name of their newly born child had been the last straw.
Finally the couple came to me. As you have already read, their arguments were over trifling matters. Looking closer they were all childish arguments. But the actual reason lay deeper: They were both very selfish.
So what should they do to establish peace? Briefly, they should be self-giving. It would be more sensible, that in order to establish peace each would make concessions in his/her interests and values; that would be more reasonable than for ever living with arguments and unrest. This introduction had a great impact on the couple. At the end of the day, in cases where living together as a family is necessary, peace i.e. concessions are unavoidable.
We started off by resolving the dispute about the child’s name. When I observed the couple I saw that the woman was investing more emotions in the child and the man was more flexible when it came to making concessions. In the end it was the woman who named the child. Maybe some of you will smile but she considered it appropriate to name her son “Peace”…