The buff young person was brought to me by his father. Obviously, he hoped that everything would change and become normal.
He asked: “Could I initially talk with you in private?”. Those, who request a private meeting in advance, or those, who prioritize their own demands, were the ones that think I would not understand or believe that they would be able to tell about it better than the patient. I said “Of course”. “Have a seat”.
He said “The one standing outside is my son”. “He insists that he’s homosexual.”. His voice was hoarse. He was miserable. He was begging. The old and exhausted judge was shy.
It was still the early years of my psychiatry career. I was feeling the human soul in my palms. I was believing that I would be able to change and correct everything.
“Could you show him the right way?” he asked. “Is this possible?” he added. “Of course!” I said. I promised that I would do my best.
Our conversation was short. Everything was clear and open. He got out. Then, the young person walked in. As soon as he sat down, he said “I hope you’re not homophobic!” with a firm and sharp tone. I have to confess, that was the first time I heard that word. But obviously it was something that I should not be. I said “I’m not.”. “Okay, then.” he said. “I’m homosexual and this will not change.” he continued. He was smiling. He was saying “Like I care!” to the world. Following a long conversation, I was completely ineffective before a happy homosexual who had a partner. However, until that day, I had believed that I could “correct” this by the impact of my old professors. But it seemed it was not possible at all for this case. I took the young man out. The father walked back in. He asked with a curious and hopeful voice: “What happened?” Looking at the floor, I said “Unfortunately!”. “I couldn’t do it. A better doctor maybe?” I added. He said “You could have at least made him active, doctor!” between his tongue and teeth. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. “Your son is in fact a respectable kid, do you know that?” I said. “Him being homosexual does not change that. I hope your respect for him would not be affected by this.” I emphasized. At least I was able to do so… And the father and son left towards the darkness of the society.
I’ve had many experiences for years on this subject. It was always a disorder to be treated for me. It was just a sexual preference, that’s it. Why shouldn’t it change? An expert physician would have definitely do it.
This is how it had been until I met him.
He was a homosexual at his fifties. He was crying “Please save me! He didn’t want to be a homosexual. Every night, every time he was begging God. He said “I wish there was no urge to have sex!”. He was expressing that he cannot tell how being a man, who is excluded and pushed around by society, feels like. The sadness and desperation in his looks wounded hearts.
He found the courage as soon as he felt that I tried to understand, and said “You know… I have never even been able to dream of a woman my entire life. I really wanted to, but couldn’t…”
It was at this moment that I realized it was just this simple. It was fully biological. It was structural. It was necessary to give a place to these people, who were thrown into fire in Nazi Germany. At this point, the silent cries of a heartbroken mother of another homosexual person saying “You couldn’t even find a spot for my sonny in this big world, shame on you!”, was burning the insides of me, burning each and every spot of my conscience.
Then, I started to take a look at resources, books with a greater attention. Following the 70s, I saw that the biological content of this event was ignored due to lobbying. I witnessed that the two fundamental aspects being analyzed were stigmatization and sexually-transmitted diseases. But, on the other hand, the number of publications and researches was increasing. Genetic, hormonal, etc. aspects were being analyzed. For instance, according to an observation, homosexuality was being seen more in those whose mother was suffering from hyperthyroid during pregnancy.
Then I analyzed our holy book once again. The people of Lut was the tribe that chose homosexuality for sexual desire. Although I’m not a commentator, I anticipated that there was a difference with real homosexuals, because it was referring to an entire society, and mentioning a voluntary situation and pure sexual desire.
Long story short, it was not possible to change a biological thing through a couple of words, exclusion or a couple of doses of drugs, just to satisfy the society.
Now that the place of God is this vast, then these people should be given a corner, too. That was what conscience was commanding. It was necessary to think how conscientious, ethical, ethereal to throw into fire almost four people out of a hundred, those people who cannot even dream of the opposite sex…