Kanser, Hayatın Sırrı ve Küçük Bir Gülümseme

Right now, if it were to come out of a bottle and asked, I would say “I want to be the best author of all time.”. Otherwise, how could one express some feelings? I don’t know how to tell you… The death by cancer at 36. Getting exhausted and falling to the ground, weak, after a dance that lasted for at least ten years. Getting covered with holes caused by knife scars. But protecting the life and human to such an extent. Reaching the soul of a crying person.

I don’t know how I should tell about Volkan Taşkaya…

Oh, my Volkan, my beautiful son… My heart is like a river running in the dark… Quiet, old, deep and full of thoughts.

Do you remember the group therapies? We were hanging on your lips. You would tell, we would laugh. You made us admire you as you found the delicacy of life…

We used to see in her eyes the painful heart of that mother, who used to sit in the last row of the therapy halls, and we couldn’t ignore it. That magnificence in the posture of your dear father, we used to stand in the awe of his. We used to think ceaselessly, and yet we used to laugh continuously.

You were our only one, kid. You trampled on cancer without rebelling… In the realest meaning of the word… Despite those who fight against it.

You didn’t say “Why me?”. You didn’t rebel. You did good, my Volkan… You were 10/10 in that test.

This cancer is a thing full of lessons… You suddenly catch the meaning of life in that. You cannot get out of it for all those years that pass by.

For instance, the meaning of life is health, the quality time spent, perseverance, or submission as the case maybe, it is to understand the value of love. It is to admire the glorious ones. To take refuge. To be one of those souls that reach there. To cry when you are alone at night. To enjoy the moments when the pain is gone… It is like being the naughty thief stealing a small piece from the fridge, it is like being a baby. To look at the future with hope, with a tiny, uncontrollable and fearful feeling. To be close to science at least as close as a prayer. To believe. To understand the value of the doctors, nurses. To have a humane attitude towards the caregivers, towards everyone that is making efforts for you. To be full of love. To feel regret sometimes. To be great. To be as small as a dust particle at a young age. To still have a future despite all. To understand that the ones you’ll leave behind are as many as the birds in the sky and the fish in the seas, and that they will also disappear someday.

To fully comprehend by heart what destiny means. To say goodbye when it’s time. To deeply feel the sorrow of the farewell before letting it all go, to cry for the pain of separation, to witness your own death. To be scared fearlessly.

In short, it is to be Volkan.

I thank you thousands of times. For you made me think all these, for you made me feel indescribable feelings… For you showed me how that great life becomes so small. For you were able to tell that it would pass by laughing and without exaggeration, better than the greatest professors do…

I loved you so much. I do and will love you.

May your path be bright and open.