There are a great many couples coming here to question their family lives!… Until this day, saying “I don’t understand couple therapies!” I have directed them to some colleagues and psychologist friends of mine, who state that they are closely interested in this subject. Yet, from this day forward, I think this situation will change a little bit. Why? I have discovered quite a simple formula, which I believe many of you already know about… I feel like children. I’m joyful.
I have met many healthy, unhealthy families. I have read a great number of articles and books on the subject. I have decided to briefly share it with you. More precisely, I’m intending to think loudly with you.
As you know, a family consists of three parties structurally. Woman, man and children. However, this generalization is naturally not universal due to different formulas.
For one thing, the concept of nuclear family vanishes in the air in feudal families. Brides and/or grooms joining that kind of families must consider the efforts that will last for years to create a new order of a structure that they are not familiar with at all. For instance, harmonization of a groom from Izmir with the family of a bride from Ağrı will really require time and perseverance…
On the other hand, some families, despite not being feudal, have the appearance of a nuclear family in which aunts, uncles, grandparents and other relatives are deeply involved.
This and similar other socio-cultural attributes require mutual respect and perseverance. For instance, a young blood coming from a feudal Mardin family, who says “See, your family doesn’t have the sincerity that mine has”, and a woman from Ankara, who says “You’re a peasant, a peasant, that’s all” are unrivaled in terms of sabotaging everything.
But is there no solution to it? If the parties have the slightest trace of intelligence, of course it is solvable through mutual adaptation. Yet, when the target is “both that and the other”, than it all gets messy. However, those saying “neither that nor the other” are happier. When one gives the control to the society and/or to the families reciprocally, many personal values get lost. Parties lose their own identities, while children become weird. The most important value that is lost is freedom.
So, one must initially protect their personal values by prioritizing freedom. One must create a special and unique family, which is as distinctive (“sui generis” in its old form) as possible and compatible with location and time…
Sometimes, it is recommended that people from very different cultures remember why they started that challenging journey among themselves…
Here, I will generalize it; men like women who hand their power in to them and make it felt. Women, on the other hand, like being preferred and loved. The game starts with these two simple factors. How about children? Their main expectation is to be appreciated. A small “good job” does the trick.
Of course, these demands apply to all parties. I put them in an order based on the weight of the demand.
What does a woman have to lose if she gives power to her husband and expresses this? I mean, is saying “I exist too” conditional upon being superior to one’s man on every field? Or why should it be difficult for a man to show unlimited love to his wife, or to prefer her, or to feel attached to her, or not to cheat on her? How desperate it is to pointlessly rain toys over our children, whose sole purpose is to gain their parents’ favor, while denying a simple appreciation to them, isn’t it?
Of course, it is important to be moderate here. One must be a good spouse and child adequately. It’s not about being superb!
I mean I’m not suggesting any women that they should wash their husbands’ feet every night. I’m not suggesting to artificially encourage people by saying “Well done, man! Way to go!”. But why should we abstain from expressing admiration on a subject that one succeeds in? Or are they afraid of them getting spoiled? What’s wrong with them getting spoiled a little bit? All in all, I described the way to the heart of men who have been spoiled by their mothers for years.
A man, who openly expresses his interest and love towards a woman, will obviously always get the benefits of it. This is almost inevitable for a warm home. A woman, who doesn’t feel loved or preferred and who is cheated on, will end up fading. The appreciation and gratitude that an unhappy woman shows will lose its value. This is such a tragic vicious cycle that it hits our children the most. A faded, unhappy mother, and the father, who is responsible for that, will lead to an unlimited rage and hate. Who knows what those youngsters will do when they go into public with those feelings?
On the other hand, how is it possible for children, whose father was emasculated and stripped of his powers by their mothers, to see the life in a safe manner? They don’t even have their fathers behind them…
In brief, no man or woman would come up a loser because they spoil their spouses. And not a single parent would spoil their children when they say “good job” to their children.
What wouldn’t we give for a free, strong, hardworking, lovely and happy family, right?
That’s why, what’s told here is accurate information; spread it, friends.
Jokes aside, I wish everyone a healthy family.